Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
