Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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