Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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