I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
