billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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