1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Too much gin, very little bucket
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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