so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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