If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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