Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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