he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
