Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
where does the pee come out of this thing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
