I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My vagina is officially offended.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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