i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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