i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
