she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
