I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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