Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont even know how to be here

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(208): View more from Idaho

I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(805): View more from California

Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo

(330): View more from Ohio

Like I don't even know how to respond to this?

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