first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
