I think my fart just growled at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We're too hungover to prance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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