you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
