no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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