to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
