I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
