ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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