i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
