it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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