I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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