I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
