Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
