You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
