Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
