So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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