Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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