Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
