you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
