so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
