Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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