she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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