Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.