She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.