I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.