i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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