My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.