3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
