Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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