Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
