My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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