Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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