Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your penis caused this!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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