There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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