hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
