I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
