:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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