I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
