I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
