My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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