And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Still dying that you shit outside
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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