her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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