I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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