I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
