Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
