all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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