I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
