I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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