But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
