that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
