Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
