dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
