Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
