imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
