I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
