I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
