Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My pussy is not your playground.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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