The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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