I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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