apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
